Client wish list (part 2: ladies)

Ok here’s the list of women that I would love to have as clients. Specifically, I would love to have as ‘sex therapy’ clients so that I could take their full sexual history.

  1. Anne Heche – I love her in everything, but what’s the real reason she broke up with Ellen all those years ago?
  2. Raven Symone – She has done a really good job of keep her “partners” secret over the years. So what’s really been going on?
  3. Condoleezza Rice – I don’t think she slept with President Bush, but it makes me wonder who did she sleep with in the White House?
  4. Miley Cyrus – I have no explanation; I just want to know more about her.
  5. Gayle King – Does having Oprah as a friend hurt or help your sex life? Just wondering how you balanced it all.
  6. Juanita Bynum – My idea is that she has a feast or famine sex life. I’d love to know if my assumptions are correct?
  7. MaDonna – I wonder if she is as sexually adventurous as she has convinced the world she is. I think she’s been a brilliant marketer and business person since the womb. Sex sells and she knew it!
  8. Hillary Clinton – Our 1st woman president (possibly) – really who wouldn’t want her as a client?
  9. Robin Roberts – She is the epitome of graceful to me. I’d simply like to know how has she maintained her grace throughout the years as she figured hour her sexuality and lived so successfully.
  10. Angelina Jolie – because she gets to sleep with Brad Pitt.

 

I hope this was as fun for you to read as it was for me to write.

Love

Nat

My client wish list (men 1st)

Hello All,
Lately, I’ve been obsessed thinking about famous people that I would like to have in my office so that I can take their full sexual histories. In the health care industry we always have to take a person’s history to ensure we give them appropriate tailored care and mental health is no different. Moreover, sex therapy is no different. When I intake new clients I take a full sexual history and many times my clients gain insights from simply saying all that information out loud. Often they enjoy the process, as it can be very cathartic, and I do to.
So, here’s my Top 10 Client wish list. If I ever the chance I would love to take their full sexual histories (and be their therapist too)….
1. Prince – just because the rumors throughout the years have been… Insatiable (every pun intended)
2. Bill Clinton – because… Do we really still think it was just the 1 intern?
3. Osama bin Laden- Can you have a sexual history if you are hiding in the desert from the U.S. Armed Forces?
4. Bishop Eddie Long – Do I need to explain?
5. Jimmy Swaggart- Again, Do I need to explain?
6. Stedman, yes Oprah’s Stedman- just curious to see if he was loyal to Opharh all those years and how did that effect their sex life.
7. Jimmy Fallon – because he’s so funny to me I think we’d laugh the whole time
8. RuPaul – he is so freak’n gorgeous when he’s in drag, I know there are people who just have fallen in love with him off of looks alone.
9. The Pope – just how progressive are is Mr. Jorge Mario Bergoglio?
10. Dennis Rodman – because I’m still confused over why he wore that wedding dress.
11. Last, if I could have just one more…. It would be Lil’ Wayne – because what I hear on the radio does not match what I see on TV. I have to wonder, What other surprises would a candid conversation hold.
So, notice there are now women on the list. I’ll do a separate one for them. Stay tuned.

Thoughts for Thanksgiving… did I tell them?

What do I know?

Who should know?

Did I tell them?

Good morning all,

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family and a wonderful conversation with my cousin the “Grill Master”. He was explaining to me that one of the core themes in the military is to always ask yourself the 3 questions I have listed above.

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I want you to think about the relationships you are thankful for. Then ask yourself the 3 questions…

What do I know about this relationship or person? How about? They are great. They make me happy. I’m so glad they are in my life

Who should know? That person

Did I tell them? Hopefully, yes. Hopefully you told all your friends and family personally, in a 1 on 1 conversation that you are very, very thankful for them.

I will lead….

I know that I am thankful for all… the people, clients, friends, colleagues, & mentors in my life.

Thanks you,

Natalie 11/27/2015

Depression vs Sex

Depression vs Sex

Depression, the world’s fast growing disorder. More and more people every day are battling depression. So much so, that people have forgotten just how difficult dealing with depression is and the horrible attack it can have on your sex drive and intimacy with another person.depression

 

Depression is another disorder that can fatigue the body slowly, bringing all the body’s systems down with it. This would include all organs and chemical drives involved with sex. Depressed people also tend to be extremely withdrawn. They often isolate themselves from everyone, specifically loved ones. A lack of interest in sex is one of the first symptoms to show up in regard to the sex drive, especially for women. When depression is appropriately handled, the desire for intimacy and sex is almost always the first thing to return.

 

Depression is not as simple as it seems to be. It’s a mental destroyer to your life and to sex, but it’s hard to fully grasp that from the outside. For those dealing with partners who may be battling depression, keep patience and seek help. A professional can help both you and your partner deal with depression because as it does directly affect the person with the disorder, it certainly indirectly affects the person involved with them.

PTSD vs SEX

PTSD vs SEX

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can be an extremely detrimental disorder that not hinders people’s growth, but can do so without them even realizing it. PTSD is known to stem very deep in regard to traumatic events that cannot be easily overcome just by “moving on” with life.

ptsd man

The determinant of the PTSD can have some specific links to sexual intimacy or it can be completely unrelated, but still be affecting a person’s sexuality. A very common reaction with sexual intimacy for those with PTSD is a sense of distance or numbness, mainly after, but sometimes during sexual activities. People with PTSD tend become extremely removed mentally from present situations. Some sexual abuse survivors with PTSD may have issues trusting another, fearing that letting their guard down will result in a similar trauma. For others, there can be a constant “on edge” anxiousness about them which never allows them to relax.

 

Like any disorder, PTSD puts a ton of stress on the body making it extremely fatigued. For those who suffer from PTSD, a sex life can be non-existent, but only if you allow it to be. The first step is working through the trauma one has experienced and seeking out the help of a professional to live a more happy, functional life with sex in it! So take that first step today!

 

Hope this Helps,

Sex Therapist Nat

My thoughts on Ashley Madison…. I have a lot to say. Part 3

My thoughts on Ashley Madison…. I have a lot to say. Part 3

I just heard that a Pastor killed himself over the Ashley Madison Hack!dear letter

I’m shaking my head….  Here’s my letter to all who got outed.

To my dear friends that got outed.

I’m sorry you got outed in such a public way. I know this time has been very hard for you. I don’t know what your reasons are, but I believe that you had them.

I’d like to challenge you and give you hope.

I challenge you to start speaking your truth because if you do then it will give others to permission to speak truth about their weaknesses and the temptations we all face.

Specifically, I want say to the pastors and ministers: Don’t shrink from this opportunity to talk to people about the real challenges of life and marriage. Don’t hide. Stand up and say this is what I was doing!

Stand up and say: We ALL fall down, NOW watch me get up.

Watch me make my marriage and ministry stronger than ever. Watch me TURN MY LIFE AROUND and then turn around and help others. Watch me build something from nothing and turn tragedy to triumph.

I believe in you! I believe you can do it. Joy WILL come in the morning. This storm will not last forever.

Hope this helps,

Sex Therapist Nat

P.S. I’m here to support you in whatever way possible. There is no judgment here. Call me 1.888.788.4624.

My thoughts on Ashley Madison…. I have a lot to say. Part 2

My thoughts on Ashley Madison…. I have a lot to say. Part 2

Can we take a deep breath and realized that some of us, A LOT of us, really believe that once we get married we will never marriage quoteever want to be with someone else OR have sex with someone else for the rest of our lies (maybe 80 years depending on how old you were when you got married). Can we take a deep breath and realize that this idea may be unrealistic.

Marriage gets complicated. I have seen couples that are perfect for each other, but don’t have sex with each other. I have seen couples that are terrible for each other, but have great sex. In marriage we are asking for our spouses to be our domestic partners, financial partners, best friends, cheerleaders, co-parents, co-care givers for our parents, AND always ready hot sexy lovers as well. That is a lot.

I know that this is a different take on the Ashley Madison Hack, but I’d like you all to take a minute to consider….

Maybe life gets hard.

Maybe marriage gets hard sometimes, too!

And being the perfect partner and always sexually available to your spouse is not realistic. For some couples, Ashley Madison served as a bridge over hard times to get needs met WITHOUT leaving the marriage for greener grass. Can we take a moment and notice that these people “outed” by the hack, were trying to stay in their marriage?

Just think about it, yes they were cheating, but if they were on the Ashley Madison site, they were NOT trying to leave their marriage. I’m just saying….. think about it…. and maybe relax your judgements for a moment.

Hope this helps

Sex Therapist Nat

My thoughts on Ashley Madison…. I have a lot to say (Part 1)

My thoughts on Ashley Madison…. I have a lot to say (Part 1)

ashley madison sign in picOne of the websites I read said, “what has become of us as a people” that we need a website for cheating. My answer: “nothing!” We “people” have been cheating since the beginning of time and the invention of the internet has made things in life a lot easier, including cheating. That’s it: if there is an easier way to do something, even if it is something we should NOT be doing, we “people” are going to do it the easiest way.

What I’d like to focus on in this blog post is the need for more honesty in marriage. Can we admit that we are all human and if the right circumstance present we all have the capacity for infidelity. So, as a married couple, can we take precautions against infidelity? Can we work together to make sure both parties are sexually fulfilled? Can we take time on our anniversaries and say, “How’s this marriage working for you? Are you getting enough sex? Are we communicating well with each other? How are we doing at staying connected? Where are our blind spots? Are we having fun together? How do we guard against infidelity?”

We know our homes can be broken into so we spend thousands of dollars on security systems to keep them safe. I want you to take this Ashley Madison Hack as the wake-up call that proves that your marriage, not Ashley Madison, can be “broken into” needs more security as well.

Hope this helps

Sex Therapist Nat

Anxiety versus Sex

Anxiety versus Sex

In marriages, or any relationship for that matter, sexual intimacy can come and go. As we go through anxiety mandifferent phases in our lives, so does our sex patterns and desires (or lack thereof), raising and lowering before the day is even over. But what happens to those who have another piece to the puzzle? None of us are on our best game all the time, but for those who have an anxiety disorder, the aspect of sexual intimacy can really take a hit.

 

Those with anxiety can develop many irrational fears and behaviors, which can cause unwarranted and unwanted stress to the body. Cortisol is the hormone released when a person is stressed and it can decrease your sexual drive through blocking the release of testosterone. So, there’s the first problem. Your body physically can shut down from sex if it is under too much stress. What’s worse is what is happening mentally.

 

Sex is very mental and having someone with anxiety engage in sex can cause them to be extremely nervous, anxious, and fearful. It may not even be that the desire is lacking, but that the mind and fear from their anxiety takes over. For those who suffer from anxiety and are noticing issues with sexual intimacy, seek the help of a professional! Sometimes it’s just about being given the proper tools and learning how to use them in order to overcome any kind of anxiety in the bedroom.

 

Hope this Helps,

Natalie

4 Helpful tips if you think “My Spouse May be Transgender”

Transgenderism is becoming more common as people begin to be more comfortable with the idea that we don’t all fit into only two categories. We, as a society, are growing to be more open minded and therefore, more explorative in our own sexuality. For those who didn’t grow up with this mentality, they may be experiencing a new found turmoil they thought they never would. Because any kind of sexuality besides heterosexuality was frowned upon for so long, some men and women may have entered into marriages without full acceptance or understanding of how they define themselves. As they’ve grown older, the real version of themselves no longer wishes to hide and it can cause a huge wave of turmoil within a family.

 

If you think your spouse may possibly be transgender, consider these helpful tips to begin the process of support and understanding during their “coming out” or transitioning. The most important of all the tips is to never say anything rash in the heat of a moment. When someone explains they are transgender (which in reality can be quite confusing) it can hit you like a brick wall. It can come across as something that doesn’t quite make sense. How could this be right? You have kids. You’ve been married for ten years. You know this person…. But give it time. You will understand, so don’t burn a bridge before you get there.

 

The second tip is to ask questions. Asking questions not only helps you to better understand, but for them to feel like you want to understand. This won’t be easy on them either and it may even help them learn how they want to define themselves to others since this may be the first they have. With that, be sure to specify how each of you defines the terms that go alone with being transgender. You want to make sure you are on the same page, so there is as little confusion as possible. The third tip is to find out what they are looking for with the marriage now. You cannot move forward unless you understand what the marriage means for them now. You also have to decide what the marriage means for you now.

 

The final tip is to get help. Going through a transition and new territory like this will be hard on both of you. Getting a professional involved will not only help you both understand, but also help you get to a place of acceptance. Don’t count yourself out of the game. Listen. Understand. Your marriage may change, but it could be for the better.