4 Helpful tips if you think “My Spouse May be Transgender”

Transgenderism is becoming more common as people begin to be more comfortable with the idea that we don’t all fit into only two categories. We, as a society, are growing to be more open minded and therefore, more explorative in our own sexuality. For those who didn’t grow up with this mentality, they may be experiencing a new found turmoil they thought they never would. Because any kind of sexuality besides heterosexuality was frowned upon for so long, some men and women may have entered into marriages without full acceptance or understanding of how they define themselves. As they’ve grown older, the real version of themselves no longer wishes to hide and it can cause a huge wave of turmoil within a family.


If you think your spouse may possibly be transgender, consider these helpful tips to begin the process of support and understanding during their “coming out” or transitioning. The most important of all the tips is to never say anything rash in the heat of a moment. When someone explains they are transgender (which in reality can be quite confusing) it can hit you like a brick wall. It can come across as something that doesn’t quite make sense. How could this be right? You have kids. You’ve been married for ten years. You know this person…. But give it time. You will understand, so don’t burn a bridge before you get there.


The second tip is to ask questions. Asking questions not only helps you to better understand, but for them to feel like you want to understand. This won’t be easy on them either and it may even help them learn how they want to define themselves to others since this may be the first they have. With that, be sure to specify how each of you defines the terms that go alone with being transgender. You want to make sure you are on the same page, so there is as little confusion as possible. The third tip is to find out what they are looking for with the marriage now. You cannot move forward unless you understand what the marriage means for them now. You also have to decide what the marriage means for you now.


The final tip is to get help. Going through a transition and new territory like this will be hard on both of you. Getting a professional involved will not only help you both understand, but also help you get to a place of acceptance. Don’t count yourself out of the game. Listen. Understand. Your marriage may change, but it could be for the better.